Day #5

*A time you thought about ending your own life*

We have all had some low, rock bottom times in our lives myself included but I can honestly say that I have NEVER thought about ending my own life. Suicide is just something that has never crossed my mind. It creeps me out just thinking about it, probably because I am a baby and too scared to actually even think about it let alone attempt it!!

So let me say that I may not have thought about ending my own life but I have thought, what if my life was different or if I was someone else. There have been a few situations where I just felt horrible about the things going on in my life and wishing I could just have someone else life. Going through a bad break up, ending a friendship or a death in the family were some of the hardest times in my life where I thought man isn't so and so luck their life is perfect.

The months leading up to meeting my husband and getting back from living in the UK for 7 months was probably one of the low points in my life. I found it really hard to come back to America where my old roommates from college had moved on and in with other people, go back to school instead of spending time with my family in So. Cal after being away from them for 7 months. I don't know if I was depressed but I was defiantly lonely and searching (not for love my the way! just had to throw that out there). I had honestly felt like I wasn't connected to my friends anymore and the friends I had just connected with and spent 7 months of my life with all lived in different states and it sucked. I would think all the time about wishing I was someone else, more popular etc but I eventually got over it, reconnected with my friends and life went on.

When my grandma passed away that was another rock bottom time for me. I honestly felt like I was the only one in the world who had ever lost someone!! I felt like no one understood how much she meant to me and how close we were they just didn't get it and never would. I was angry and hurt that she died two days before she was about to meet my future husband I was angry and felt like she gave up on me. I hated everything about that time in my life and DESPERATELY wished that I was someone else.

I know that to most people these events seem insignificant and I am sure that most people have been through a lot worse and I count my blessing that I haven't been through anything crazy. I'm glad that I have been able to have a great life so far as short as it has been. I try not to take what I have for granted because I know whole heartedly that there is always someone out there that has it A LOT worse than me and ending my life would not solve any of my problems.

*Loving my life as a wife*

TP